At the moment, this is in the form of an interview. A much more detailed FAQ will be up presently.
Q: So, what do you do?
Angelo: We kill children.
Box: Well, I wouldn't've phrased it like that... Basically, we're like angels of death. We retrieve the young souls of children who die.
Angelo: We kill them.
Ruby: Yeah, but you've gotta remember that our Boss has authority over life and death. It's not like we're murdering them.
Angelo: We're just killing them.
Ruby: You see what we have to put up with?
Box: Gotta love this cheerful atmosphere.
Q: How do you go about your job?
Star: It's pretty simple. We take a bottle of black milk and give some of it to the kid. Then their angel sees 'em off to the Pearly Gates, and that's that.
Ernest: Unless those demons get ahold of a kid. Then it's a rolickin' chase tryin' to catch them, all over the world an' down below it. And if there's fightin'... we could be out all night.
Rags: Well, it's not really that bad. See, we're... well, like dolls, I guess. So, if we get knocked around, it hurts some, but it just takes a little sewing and we're right as rain.
Star: Except for o' Grumpy Ernie here. He needs coffee.
Q: Okay. What individual duties do you have?
Mike: Well, we just have to go out and retrieve the souls. We always go in groups, so it's less a matter of individual whatever and more of a team effort.
Joe: Me an' Jody usually go together. I slip the kid a dose of black milk—looks just like it sounds, smells kinda sweet—and Jody watches my back. If I get a little rough with the demons, Jody patches me back up.
Dolly: Most of us girls carry around a little sewing kit and some stuffing, plus extra black milk for backup. We basically stand by as lookouts and field nurses, and we sometimes have to save our boys' tails.
Jody: Unless we're specifically assigned to do the job. That, and we drag the boys home when they get too drunk to stand.
Jody: Well, it's true.
Q: How many of you go out at a time?
Francie: Oh, well, that depends. We go as we're needed. Some days, we all go off at once! But we generally go out in twos or threes.
Danny: Exactly. The ideal number is three: one to do the job, one to look out for demons and as reinforcement in a fight, and one to run for help if the need arises.
Francie: We tend to just naturally pair up. We only regroup when we're assigned to each other, or when it looks like we'll need to.
Lily: Well, I've never known Angelo to stick with that. He's supposed to run with Ruby or Box, but he'd just as soon go off with Box.
Q: How many calls do you get per day?
Box: Oh, we don't keep count. That would be too depressing.
Angelo: You want the average?
Box: Shut up, Ange.
Louie: Our group here isn't the only one, you see. We don't really have anything to do with each other, so there's no easy way to keep track of the numbers.
Ruby: And keeping any sort of written record would be even more depressing.
Angelo: I have a list...
Box: I think Angelo wants me to slap him.
Angelo: Did I say that?
Q: How did you get this job?
Star: I died.
Ernest: Was killed.
Star: Whatever. You're dead either way.
Ernest: And we weren't exactly saints.
Star: So this is our Purgatory.
Ernest: Until we've earned Heaven.
Rags: It's hard, but we earned our punishment.
Star: And it's God's mercy that we're not in Hell.
Rags: Oh, yes.
Q: Did it take a while for you to get used to the job?
Mike: I guess so. It was easier for some of us than others.
Dolly: The whole concept takes a while to wrap your brain around, but the shock wears off after the first couple of missions.
Jody: I would always be stunned when Joe got banged up on just an ordinary run-of-the-mill assignment, but I'm used to it now.
Joe: The scars heal in time.
Q: Do you ever find your job... overwhelming?
Danny: I really must agree with Tony there. The physical work, id est, battling demons, can be very demanding.
Francie: And, of course, the whole business is emotionally taxing.
Lily: And it makes it awful hard to sleep at night.
Danny: Or face yourself in the morning.
Q: How do you cope with the stress?
Box: We drink a lot.
Ruby: And we try to forget.
Angelo: Sometimes I talk to Ulalumé.
Ruby: Er... Ulalumé is a friend of Angelo's.
Box: Except that only he can see her.
Ruby: We usually see... say, dust, or sunbeams. Things like that.
Angelo: She's real, I... never mind.
Box: I think that says it all about job stress.
Q: ...Moving on: Would you say this job has allowed you to learn more about each other?
Rags: Oh, certainly. For one thing, Eric here doesn't talk at all, and I don't know if he can, but I do know how to communicate with him. We've got a sort of understanding now.
Star: I know that Ernie's out like a light after his first thigamajig of whisky.
Ernest: Dram, you little heathen. I know that Star's addicted to kumquats.
Star: Hey, it's an honest obsession.
Star: Okay, okay. Shut up.
Q: Have your experiences brought you closer together?
Mike: Hell, yeah—look at me an' Dolly! She used to be a regular wallflower, but now we're close as a pair of shoes.
Dolly: Yep. Y'know, Mike gave everyone a nickname at some point in time, and now we all use them.
Jody: Then what's the deal with calling Mike "the Dam' Pollack"?
Mike: Hey, Ange earned exclusive rights to that name before you were even thought of.
Jody: Did he?
Mike: Yes. He beat the stuffing out of me.
Joe: Literally. It was awesome.
Mike: It cemented our friendship.
Joe: They're closer'n teeth and gums.
Dolly: Boys will be boys.
Q: Thank you for your time. Any parting remarks?
Danny: I would like to take this opportunity to extend a personal apology to all those whose lives we have ruined and whose hearts we have broken.
Lily: We don't know why any particular kid is marked for death. We just get 'em and trust that the Boss knows what He's doing.
Francie: If you have any more questions, dear, just drop by and ask. I'm afraid we'll be here for a good while.
Danny: Becky is in good hands.
Lily: And so's J.T.
Tony: And Twyla.
Francie: Thanks for caring, honey. It means a lot to us.
Danny: God bless you.